Another birthday has come and gone. I am a year older, but it didn’t happen all in one day. Sure we celebrate the passing year on one day, but it happens in every day, each moment and in every breath, we grow older, and perhaps grow up a little too, though for some it may feel more like shrinking and getting wider as the years climb up. But besides the physical growth, we also grow mentally. We become wiser, have more life experiences to call from in order to make our judgments and decisions. Sometimes those life experiences leave us jaded and quick to judge and not take risks. Sometimes those life experiences force us to close our selves off from the world. Sometimes those life experiences teach us to reach out to those around us that we care for and value. Sometimes those life experiences work in mysterious ways to shape us into the people we have become.
My dad asked me on my birthday if I felt any older. The truth is both yes and no. Mentally I know I have changed, but I am more at peace with myself. I have goals for the future, some very realistic and practical and manageable and attainable, others that will require a bit further of a stretch and more time, energy, effort, creativity, and perseverance to come to pass. I feel very at peace with myself. I can control certain things around me, and the ones that I can’t I can live with and flow about. I find I have found an inner calm and a centre.
I have financial goals that will be realized before the summer starts. I have savings goals that will be commenced once summer starts and those other financial goals are realized.
I have traveling goals. These traveling goals require financial support and I have taken those into consideration in my financial planning. I wish to see Europe and would not be too disappointed if I have to quit a job in order to get the time off. Because to be perfectly honest, if I was doing my ideal career I wouldn’t have to barter with anyone but myself for time off, and of course I would say yes to me traveling to Europe. It would be like research.
I have career goals. I find my current job very boring and mundane; however it is a means to an end. I have aspirations of becoming an author and have been working towards those ends. I have words on paper, and ideas flow forth. I will write a couple of paragraphs and realize that with a little time and effort they could become whole chapters.
I have physical goals too. I want to go hiking this summer, and canoeing, and learn yoga. But it doesn’t all happen in one great big leap and bound. It starts out with small steps in the beginning. I am really making a concentrated effort on eating healthier. I have a gym membership and try to make it to the gym three times a week during the week days. I am also going to be starting a more focused workout plan.
My personal relationships are also going really really well. I feel very calm and at peace with where I am with the people around me. There is a little tension sometimes, but it isn’t any insurmountable tension. My friends are well, my family is well, and my mate and I are well, so is my little dog who by the way is the sweetest dog ever. I also just bathed her so she smells pretty darned fantastic too. Darren gets a secret joy out of letting her role around in the snow after her bath. This should bother me, but somehow it doesn’t. She will get dirty again eventually and I will bath her again eventually, and the cycle with continue. I am okay with that.
I have even come to an inner calm and peace in regards to the housework, it happens and I role with it. It is never ending, and I can accept that it will always consume time. I couldn’t quite grasp before when the yarn harlot would say that housework was a sexy trait in a man. Now I am starting to see what she means. I feel a sense of relief when Darren will do a couple of loads of laundry or run the dishwasher and put the dishes away. That is one less thing I must budget my time for, and it feels like a little gift of time to me. A little show of love and support. And that is why shoveling the driveway is sexy.
I really find that I like where my life is going. It is not a sense of control, but a sense of acceptance. I put forth effort into what I hope to accomplish and really feel as though it has been paying off. I know I am a long way off from were I want to be, but I think that the path I am making now will lead me in the right direction to the destiny I am meant to have. Destiny is not a preordained event; it is the journey we make for ourselves. I have the ability to make my own destiny. I am looking forward to what life gives me next.