Do you ever just write to clear your mind? Open up a word dock and let flow what is bothering you, simply to get it out there to better understand it and process it. I do that a bit. Sometimes I will be writing about something completely cool and happy, and then it will remind me of something else, and then I am going off on a tangent about things that annoy me.
And then I delete it because you don’t need the harsh flow of negative energy poisoning your vibe when you come to visit my blog.
Have you ever been around people that give off negative energy? Or just suck the energy right out of you? There is only so much of that one person can take. I wouldn’t want my blog to be like that. I wouldn’t want people avoiding it because of that.
But sometimes I just need to get it out of me so it isn’t inside eating me up. So I write it all out. Sometimes I save it, sometimes I don’t. But I don’t post them. Not unless they are funny and not relating to people who are close to me to whom it may hurt.
Sometimes I even find gems of story nuggets in there. Something that rings to me like a characters dialogue in a story. A Monologue. And those most definitely are the ones I save. I keep them and then edit them to be a story bit. Then save them on my computer for when I need them. I don’t know what story they belong to, but I know that when I need it I will have this character ready to jump in with their ideas on the world. I don’t know how I know that they belong in a story, but something about it speaks to me and says, “I am good idea, a good expression to be out there. You won’t want to lose me even though you don’t know how I fit in yet.” It feels a little like pack-rating.
And pack-rating is a little against my nature. And a little within it. My parents have a cluttered house and it drives me mad. However, I have my own version of clutter too. Like the yarn basket and knitting supplies even though I don’t knit. I desire to, but am pursuing books with a heated passion like a cat in heat.
But I do purge on a semi regular basis. When something gets to me I put it on my list for cleaning night. So every time I clean there is a new task that is different from the standard, but not reoccurring on a weekly basis. Tonight it is dryer sheeting my couches and purging my sock basket along with the regular variety.
Is it odd of me to look forward to cleaning? I like a clean house. It makes me feel better. Like I think clearer or something because there is no clutter or dirt to disturb my thoughts.
Don’t remind me about the basement. The basement clutter mentioned is a taboo. It is strictly in the category of not my responsibility. And therefore blocked from my radar of unorganized things that annoy the crap out of me. (UPDATE: Basement clutter has been re-organized [not by me] to accommodate band practice. Will need to sort out sewing room next though.)
And that is how writing for therapy works. I start with a clear linear thought pattern and now I have rambled my way into cleaning. I would generally go and delete it and try to get back on track, but some of it is kind of funny. And none of it is hurtful or harmful to people I know. And so I am keeping it as an example of the twisted paths my brain will follow and a PG rated example of writing to express oneself and get matters out their and figured out.