NaNoWriMo Day 11
Depression and the Creative Muse
Yesterday I was going to do my daily post on various styles of writing kind of. It was going to be a compare and contrast between two vastly different yet popular ends of the fantasy spectrum.
I only had time for the inspiration of it.
Yesterday I was hit by a total wall of frustration. Work reached a point were it brought me to tears, and I hid them all day long until I could get home and have a complete melt down. It is not a matter of prioritizing the massive backlog of shit I have to get caught up on at work, as opposed to who the fuck is going to do all of this crap for me.
Consequently this has affected my writing. Funny how dips into depression leave you feeling so low you can’t even be creative. That’s how it leaves me feeling anyways. I feel drained. Like I have no energy and all I want to do is sleep. But I can’t seam to find my way out of this mess. I need a job. I need money. I can’t work for less, and heck I can barely survive on what I am making. Their are some very sad truths out their. Writing for me is my release. It is my escape and my way out of hear, out of this dark place. I understand that people don’t make it in the writing industry, I get that. But if I never try I will never know. I am terrified though of trying and having it not be good enough. Because what then? What other recourse do I have? Do I accept that my life will be one crapy job after another?
Right now, I am ahead on my word count for NaNoWriMo. Enough so that I will only be hitting small word counts until the weekend rolls around. Then I will have a bit more mental clarity and be able to hammer out the word count and really get on a roll with my story.
Also, it looks like I am at that point in my story, were other stories are starting to look sexier, and shinier. Like I really want to start this novella idea about reading as an addiction and cyborgs.
Oh and I had a huge plot flash yesterday. I am going to have Pirates in my book. I know it is terribly cliched. But I adore Pirates. Positively love them. And because I do I know I should turn away from this idea and file it in the cheesy over used section. But I can’t. I adore them so much I am willing to overlook this obvious huge flaw and indulge my inner child, because you know what. Work sucks, and I have this and I will use this for all the happy I can get out of it.