It’s Monday, What are you Reading is a weekly meme hosted by Sheila at One Person’s Journey Through A World Of Books to discuss what we are reading this week, as well as books completed the previous week.
What Next? I don’t quite know yet. I am thinking either Mistborn or Scott Lynch.
Why this post did not go up yesterday:
I have been letting my work life seep too much into my personal life. Like way too much. Like staying late and missing lunch breaks too much. Like I have been mentally exhausted too much.
I drove some students down for placement this weekend, and there went my entire weekend. I came home on Sunday and to make up for the lost time grocery shopped, walked dogs, cooked, cleaned and watched too much True Blood. I was exhausted on Monday at work, and things were going wrong with our computers.
I had tried not going to my writing meeting Monday night (the one I normally get all my blogging done at) in hopes of taking the evening off would be the cure. That I would go to bed early and all that heavy stress would go away. It did not.
I woke up this morning with a headache, a thunderstorm, and the sure knowledge that I would be a useless piece of crap at work if I forced myself to go in (this is Tuesday – I am back posting this). I knew that if I wanted to get everything done this week I wanted to at work, I needed today off. I know it sounds a little ridiculous that by sacrificing time at work I would actually be more productive but it is true. I will go in to work tomorrow, not exhausted and worn out. I will go in rejuvenated and vital and focused. I will know that I have three days left to the workweek and fill those three days to completion and not procrastination. I get paid good money to be on the top of my game and had I forced myself in to work today and slugged through the rest of the week, I would not have been at the top of my game. I would not have that drive and focus that is needed and consequently would have gotten less done as it would be more about survival instead of productivity. So I emailed in sick, as whatever computer glitch was happening yesterday has also affected the phone system.
I feel better now. I feel more myself and fresh, although in need of some personal hygiene as I have not yet gotten out of my pajamas.
The fact is when I look at my life in the long term I do not see the day job as the key element to my happiness. I see my happiness being in my books, in reading and writing; in being with my dogs, walking them and snoogling them; in making a family of my own, marrying Cowboy and having kids.
While personal success in a career is rewarding, and I am very proud of my job and what I do, I also need to insure that there is room left in my life for me and what is important to me. I have been a packed ball of anxiety and stress and letting other things fall by the wayside lately. No more.
While at work, I will have a singular focus of doing the task at hand and going with the flow. But I will no longer work through lunch breaks or stay excessively late to finish up a project. I cannot keep letting work eat me up like that. I will do what is needful while I am there and will focus all of my energy while I am there on being the best I can be. But when I am not there, I stop worrying about it and I focus on me, and what else is important to me.
Focus is my new Mantra. I have various aspects in my life. I need to cordon them off and stop letting them bleed into one another and consume one another. Personal life will not be my focus while at work, and work life not my focus while at home. The times dedicated to each will be obeyed to the best intent possible.