It is Day Two of my Holiday before the actual official end date. I am on a call backlist very very close to the top. Though I am not sure how I feel about going back. Right now, I know the money is good, but it makes me wonder if the rut it stuck me in, is worth it. I was in a deep funk and emotional rut and probably not the healthiest place I have been. Being free of that right now and though this is such a short time after, is needed. Time to heal. Be less stressed out about things, though money still stresses me out, we are not completely screwed, not yet anyways. Mostly I am finally getting into the groove of this relaxing thing. This not feeling so guilty about not being as productive as I would like. This learning how to take it slow. This carving out of time to be and do all the things that are me. I feel better and can see that there is better yet to come, but that I may need to look in other places to find it.
There is some talk about Cowboy taking a different contract that would involve moving. My first reaction is always FREAK OUT! But after some consideration on my part, I have decided that as long as I view it as an adventure I can and will make it work for us. If this is of course the direction he decides to go in.
This is the thing when you are a team, the constant choosing of support and to be a united front rather than a division. This life is filled with enough obstacles, and there is no need for us to be an obstacle to one another. I may have some emotional attachments to this place and town we are at now, but that is not to say I can not form new ones to a new location. With the loss of my day job, that leaves Cowboy as our major supporter and if he says this is where he wants to go for work and he wants us to move with him, then I say yes. The base of my logic is founded in we are a team, and we will support one another. Other arguments can be made, and I am sure I will hear of them from other arenas if this does come to fruition, but I need to get my headspace set and determined and be able to prevail against their winds and hold true. We are a team.
Though if it could be arranged please find me a small town on coastal waters where both Cowboy and I can be gainfully employed, happy, and be able to start our family. The rest is in the details and I’m sure we could sort it out, because that appears to be where my soul is calling to me from.