I feel like there are things I want to say and this is a good place to say them. They aren’t just things I want to scribble in my journal and hide from the world. They are things that I think of as valuable that I don’t mind sharing and processing here.
So I’m going to try not ignoring this space. I had to take some time, personal mental health reasons, but it wow has it been some good time to have taken. I feel better. Whole. And we bought a house. That was stressful and huge, but also satisfying to my soul. Thank you for your patience. Sorry to those I lost.
Soooo.. time for some truths.
I pushed writing away. There. That is a complicated truth I wasn’t really ready to admit. I pushed it away viewing it as too big and too impossible and I let everything else get in the way and used it as an excuse.
And in a culmination of events I have gotten back to it.
The culmination being as follows:
- Read the Yarn Harlot’s most recent book, The Way Things Go.
- Yarn Harlot writes an essay about writing, about finding a writing group, and about setting daily goals. That is a summation, hers was funnier, but it made me think. Was I like that writing group, wanting to write and not acting?
- Concluding that I should be more like my Guru the Yarn Harlot and stop posturing and get to it.
- Did nothing about it though.
- Attended a Laini Taylor book signing.
- Someone (maybe me) had the misguided notion that five minutes at a singing does a best friend with an author make. NOT TRUE!
- I did however, gush at her. The woman is brilliant. Not only do I love her stories, but her writing, is epic and miniscule all at the same time. Beautiful.
- Had a job interview for a position I thought I was perfect for at work.
- Did not get the job.
- Was devastated.
- Took time to process.
- Realized that I had been pushing my writing aside (for the second time in two weeks this realization kicks me in the but).
- Realized, that duh I could do something about that.
- Set myself a new goal of 500 words per day. Small. Enough to open up my mind to the idea of writing.
There was that juxtaposition of viewing the life I wanted verses the one I was chasing. Writing verses day job. And in failing at the day job, that really gave me the opportunity to push forward with the writing. Sometimes you just need a monumental kick in the ass.
I had spent so much time shutting down my writing brain to be of service to my day job. I didn’t want writing brain to distract me. Except then I lost it. I lost that dreaming and wondering. I lost the play of scenes and world building. I love that creative fountain. It was like I had turned the tap off, and didn’t know how to get the water running again.
500 words a day, in the morning before work. Something for me before I put in the time and effort for someone else. I want this, and I want it badly enough I need to be doing something about it. Writing through thick and thin has been what I turn to. It has been that safety line, when I thought I was going to drown. And I ignored it. How could I expect to find personal happiness and satisfaction when I was ignoring the one thing that meant that much to me. That had saved me. I can’t and I won’t any longer.
500 words is easy. It is manageable. It takes half an hour. I go over the limit a little but not a lot once I get going. It’s like running. You want to start small. You don’t just get up and run 5km. That takes practice, time and effort. You need to work your muscles up for it. Writing is a muscle.
I’m training now. Writing is now training. Like running. 500 words per day. Turn on that tap and ease myself into it. I can do this.
This is what 500 words a day look like. I stole the idea from Laini Taylor’s blog and adjusted it for my own purposes.