So I did this thing, where I applied to a position at work again, one I would have been awesome at, and hit that damned brick wall of no, AGAIN! This time I think I kicked ass in the interview, but still no. But lets not talk about that. Because it’s complicated in the way that humans are complicated with all of their emotions, and me as a writer, with my active imagination trying to parse things out of the in-betweens.
What I did was a self evaluation afterwards. I asked if I would have been happy in that position long term. If that would have been the key to my kingdom. If maybe not that position, than another one I could work towards. And the end result was I would always be working to someone else’s standards and goals. Someone would always be above me telling me what to do, and I would be judging me on there expectations. That’s how a hierarchy works.
That would NOT make me happy. I mean I can do it and perform, and be good at what I do and a great asset to a team, but personal satisfaction in life. NOPE! It would be just a thing I do. Not the thing that defines me. And the thing that defines me, that I can set my own goals around, and that would leave me feeling, LOOK AT THIS THING I DID!!! That is writing. That is getting a novel out there.
So I am editing. And this round of edits is more about me moving things into the proper order. Then after I do that I want to go in and write all the scenes that I think are gaps. The missing bits of the story. Already I am seeing scenes that need a smoother transition, or just feel disjointed.
Editing though is HARD!!!!! I just want to tackle all of it right now, and it feels a lot like a fistful of sand. It needs to be held loosely not tightly.
What is working for me though is setting an hour long timer. And all I do in that time is work on the edits. Then break. Then set another hour long timer. Anything shorter and it feels like I don’t have enough time to really tackle stuff. Anything longer and I wonder away to fuck off on the internet.
Okay, so this is this posted here, because it seamed important to have it on a site I will talk about writing. So I can look back and be, that is the day I started editing like a grown up… I think.