You know the problem with having author brain is that it likes to create this little what if fantasies. For example, if one were to have marathoned the entire first season of Arrow, and the lead actor had his shirt off like a good portion of the time, and was very deliciously built, and shot a bow and arrow with amazing accuracy, and was just in general very badass, one’s mind would maybe lead to, okay we can’t live in that world, but what about the actor who portrays him?
So because my mind is the way it is, I then hit up IMDB (and then maybe facebook, and twitter), and I was like, okay so he’s married and has a kid, and very much so seems to be a family guy. All things that should have effectively been like tossing a bucket of ice cold water onto my overactive imagination. Except, there is a part of me, that kind of melted a little more and was like, holly shit that makes him even sexier. Not only is he hella good looking, but family is clearly important to him. He’s not just some pretty playboy that I can just write off, and move on from.
And then my brain starts rewriting new narrative histories, like daydreaming about improbable futures. In those improbable futures, is a version of myself, and a version of himself, that somehow meet. Except my brain cannot delete my current life, or his current life, and the things that make him hella sexy, also make it impossible for my brain to conceive of a way for us to skip merely along in a sunset together. I would never want to give up my current happiness, and I would not expect him to give up his either. It’s like being at a shoot out and coming to a draw. Even my imagination doesn’t want him to be anything other than what he is. He gets to keep that, and I get to keep what I have. And we never actually do more than have me stare at him awkwardly at a nerd convention, because that is really the best case scenario all around.
Don’t mind me while I go and marathon Season 2 and 3 of Arrow, and then maybe write a funny script about the characters, because that is probably a much better use of my brain space than this hamster wheel of OMG I wish he were mine, but I already have someone who is mine that I wouldn’t give up ever, and why would I expect some actor to do the thing I won’t do which is give up my very happy life, for a complete unknown. YEAH, funny scripts about lack of peripheral vision while wearing a hood as a vigilante, much better use of my brain space.