The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Did I ever tell you how much I love romance? I’m sure I have….

Anyways, I decided a while back to write this easy little ditty of a love story.  It was just pouring out of me at the time, and who am I to ignore a fountain of creativity.

And then I decided somehow that because this project was just for me, and because this project didn’t matter, of course this was going to be the project I was going to finish. Oh the lies we tell ourselves.  The lies in that statement, are YES this project does matter.  And once this is finished, maybe it won’t just be for you.  Maybe this is the one you have poured so much of yourself into without realizing, you can’t help but wonder what if I gave this a shot out in the real world?

I thought I was writing something easy. But I’m not.

The notes I give myself are make sure this is emotionally poignant. It’s a romance novel dealing with grief and abandonment.  I need to make you feel those things, and heal from them too.  So I have notes to myself that am I making you feel enough?

I didn’t think about feelings when I first started writing the book. When I first started writing this, it was all how do I torture these characters enough, but still get them to like each other by the end.

But oh this editing thing. She’s a different mistress.  She pays attention to the details.  Like is this a Wednesday or a Tuesday?  And she pays attention to the emotional undertow of the book.  She wants you to feel that lump in your throat, and that roiling in your gut.

Look this may be a small novel, but I aim to do big things with it. And I aim to do it in such a way that it feels seamless.  That’s a hard act.

Ally Carter writes these seamlessly fun novels about spies, and espionage, and heists. And you would think because her books are so EASY to read, they must also be easy to write.  But that seamlessness means she put a lot of effort into you not stumbling around in there as the reader.  She put a lot of effort into the page turns, and the transitions, and the OMG what happens next.

Seamless, is not easy. It is easy to read, but it is not easy to create.  And I’m sitting on the creator side of the fence, going holly shit this is harder than I thought.  I thought this would be the easy novel.  Why has it taken so long?  And why has it sucker punched me in the emotional feels?  Oh yeah, you gave these characters back story and made them real.  Of course you are going to hurt when they hurt.

Look we tell ourselves a lot of lies on the road of writing. And you need the lies to get you through to keep on writing.  To keep on editing. But at some point you are going to see the truth, and you are going to be damned proud of yourself for that perseverance against all of those pesky roadblocks you have overcome.  I’m 10K away from the end, and the lie I’m telling myself now, is that I can do this this weekend.  I can get it done, and get it into crit partner’s hands sooner than later.

I’ll tell you at the end of the weekend what the truths really are.

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