If this where the academy awards, then this is my acceptance speech….okay maybe it needs some editing, but alas, this a blog, and it can be what I need it to be.
It’s start up at work, and so things have been challenging. Long hours, shorter breaks, and more stressful situations. Add to that, I had two follow up interviews this week.
Interview for me are emotionally draining. Interviews are a lot like people wanting to test drive a car. They want to know what they are going to get and the features that are being offered. They are going to ask questions that might be hard to deal with to see how you react. I’ve gotten a lot better at them, and have developed more grace in dealing with those harder topics. But still at the end of it, I am left feeling like I have poured more water out of my cup, than has been poured into it.
What I have realized though is I have a great community of people around me. My work family is a great, and they bring different strengths to the table. They are really good for offering me insight, and for debriefing. In fact one of my coworkers said to me that not getting a job can be a very humbling experience.
I still don’t know if I am successful yet in these follow up interviews, but carrying that bit of advise forward with me, will be a cornerstone. I have been turned down before, and I have learnt how to deal with it. But looking at it through that lens, was a new perspective for me, and one I needed to help me heal from past wounds.
Further to having an amazing work family, I also have an amazing online community. When I’m stressed or needing to find escape this is where I turn. I watch vlog brother videos. I read the Yarn Harlot’s blog. I watch writing videos by Jenna Moreci. John and his friend currently are undergoing a project called 100 days, which is 100 days of fitness and lifestyle changes, and chronicling that in a video blog. These are the little pieces that I look forward to experiencing when I open up my feedly. These are the people I connect with. I don’t know them personally, but their online presence, and their POV of the world has helped shape me. It has brought clarity and meaning to my life. What they say resonates with me.
When I’m looking at my life and I’m unsure of my trajectory, my online community is what guides me. I look at where they are at, and what they are doing, and I think, how do I get there from here. It’s good to know who I want to be, not just right now, but what I want future me to look like, and how I am working towards being that person. That means that even if I do stumble upon disappointment now, or rather it is thrust upon me, I have something to focus on. I have a goal worth picking myself up for, dusting off, and keep on moving towards.
And lastly, most importantly are my loved ones. These are the people that ghost in behind you and hold you up. They are the ones that through the thick and the thin of it, will pull you through and be there for you. These are the people that are hard to define, but you know, are your foundation.
I have a Cowboy, who if I didn’t connect with on a daily basis, leaves me feeling unmoored. He is my grounding post. If you think this sounds unhealthy, it’s because I’m leaving out key details, like the fact that the works out of town, so connecting daily really is important to maintaining a functioning relationship. When he’s home, connecting is much easier, as duh, he’s right there and I can say what I want when I want, so long as he’s in the room. Otherwise I would have to get my but up off the couch and find him in the house for that. Or wait to get home from work. Or wait for him to get back from band practice, or work out or something. See we have hobbies besides each other. But the main thing here, is that he is an integral part of my day, and making me feel supported and loved, even if it’s just making funny faces at each other over facetime.
I also have my basset hounds. They provide a focal point outside of myself. They need loving and food, and attention, and walks, and they provide me with someone else besides me that needs to be taken care of. In return, they bark and wag their tails at me when I get home, and snoogle with me, and make me feel well loved. Dogs are grounding. Apparently I’m a kite that might fly away if not properly grounded. Or maybe an arch of electricity that will zap you if not properly grounded. That later one seams more accurate.
I also have my sister, and my mom, who I turn too when I need to fill in on life, and outsource my advice to. A set of eyes, that knows me through it all, and can be their to see the gaps that others don’t. I have my dad who I share my big accomplishments with and who I talk house fixing projects with. Sometimes I edit for content depending on the party I am sharing with, because I have to keep in mind audience and personality type, because yes we can be that type of family. We all have an opinion, and sometimes I know they mean well, it’s just hard to manage when it’s coming from a different POV than mine. Sometimes I’m surprised that our POVs match, because it didn’t always feel like it growing up.
I have good friends, to connect with over different hobbies and loves. I have knitting friends, and writing friends, and colouring friends, and Korean drama friends, and makeup friends, and different TV show friends. I have friends who I share common interest with, who offer solace and a place to nerd out with over things we love. A place where I can be unapologetically enthusiastic about my loves.
These are the people that keep me centred. Every person in my life helps shape me. I’m not a solo ship. I know we like to think we are, but all around us, are our people. Every single one of them makes us the bigger, better, brighter, bolder version of who we are.
Right now, on this precipice of super stressed out and uncertainty, what I really needed was to think about who my people are. It is knowing, that whatever is around the corner, I’m going to be fine, because I have my people.